


Unwanted Injuries

by mr_trash_himself



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Lie Low At Lupin's, M/M, Order of the Phoenix (Harry Potter), order of the phoenix christmas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-06
Updated: 2017-04-06
Packaged: 2018-10-15 08:50:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,319
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10553504
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mr_trash_himself/pseuds/mr_trash_himself
Summary: Chapter One: Set during Christmas in the Order of the Pheonix. Sirius worries when Remus doesn't return home from an Order mission.Chapter Two:Quite an angsty Lie Low at Lupin's





	1. Chapter 1

Sirius was making the most of having so many people around him. It got difficult, being on his own so much and Grimmauld Place was dark and held so many bad memories which he had lived over and over again in the hands of the dementors. Being in the big lonely house on his own was only one step up from the dark, damp cell he was in before. Having order members around him sometimes made things better, but at the same rate it could also make things so much worse. Each of them bringing bad news and swanning off again, reminding Sirius that there was a war going on and there was nothing he could do. 

Despite that however, there was one person that he could never see enough of; Remus Lupin. His bestfriend, lover even was the one person who - even in his absence- was there for Sirius, to control him and remind him of how important what Sirius was doing was. Since Azkaban Sirius believed very little unless it was confirmed buy Remus.

The other man was away however, but even that didn’t flatten Sirius’ mood. He loved Harry like his own and the Weasley children plus Hermione were buzzing with the news that Arthur was soon to return. Christmas cheer ran through the dust filled halls and finally Sirius felt happy, the feeling he had waited 14 years for, and he couldn’t imagine how good he would feel when Remus returned and he was surrounded with the people he loved, Remus and Harry being at the top of his list. He hoped the three of them at Christmas would be together and get a taste of what being a family was, something none of them had really been apart of for a long time.

Harry was aware of his relationship with Remus, Sirius having sat him down on his second day at Grimmauld Place in the summer and telling Harry everything. He was scared that Harry would be angry, reject him and want nothing to do with him but luckily that hadn’t been the case and Harry was happy for the reunited couple. 

Sirius came downstairs on the morning of the 23rd expecting to see his lover at the table with the rest of the order members who weren’t on duty. Remus was supposed to have returned from a mission the night before and it had been Sirius’ intention to wait up for him but sleep had won and he had retreated to bed. When he had woken up alone he assumed that Remus had come back late and would be downstairs eating a hot meal and excited at the prospects of a hot shower and a lay down. The kitchen however was full of redheads, Fred and George were apparently early risers, much to the dismay of most of the people in the house, and were currently annoying Molly by attempting to cook their breakfast with their wands rather than let her do it. Kingsley and Tonks were also sat at the table both looking exhausted and shovelling down massive amounts of Molly’s chicken soup, the classic meal after a long night on duty. 

“Morning,” he greeted, taking a seat next to Tonks and dipping his finger onto her soup just to annoy her. She tutted and moved her bowl slightly further away from Sirius as he stuck his finger in his mouth and licked the soup off. “Wasn’t Remus supposed to be back last night?” he asked, thinking he must have gotten his dates mixed up. The mood between the two other shifted as they shared a look before Kingsley addressed Sirius.

“Yeah we were just discussing that, he was supposed to be back yesterday afternoon at the latest, he told you the evening in hopes to surprise you. We’ve heard nothing so we contacted Dumbledore once we got back and Molly said he still hadn’t arrived. Dumbledore doesn’t know where he is either.” Kingsley’s face was full of regret and Tonks was clearly scared of how Sirius was going to react because she added “I’m sure he’s fine though.”

“You don’t know that,” Sirius snapped darkly and she flinched causing him to apologise and agree with her. “But yeah I’m sure you’re right.”

He stood and made his way over to Molly and the twins, plastering a smile on his face and asking jokingly if there was any edible breakfast going. He kept up the act for most of the day but the later it got the more worried Sirius became. Afraid of ruining the Christmas cheer he had gone to Buckbeak’s room in the late afternoon, telling Harry that he had a headache to keep him from worrying. He kept the door open and strained his ears for any sound of the front door opening, but no such luck. He knew how dangerous Remus’ missions were. He was sent down into the underground werewolf communities on the night of the full moon to transform with them and try and convince them to fight against Voldemort. Every month it was a gamble and it broke Sirius’ heart when his partner came home with fresh welts that would turn into old scars all too soon.

He didn’t even try for dinner, sitting sulking in the corner with Mad-Eye and Kingsley, getting more and more annoyed by the laughter that was bouncing around the room. Mad-eye had said that they had check St. Mungos and no one describing Remus’ description had been admitted and Kingsley had told him that no news was good news to which he only grunted in reply. He stayed in the kitchen that night, his eyes on the stairs, waiting to hear his lover’s footsteps but they never came. 

Molly found him in the kitchen the next morning and tried to convince him that he should go and get some rest. He tried to humour her but the moment he open his and Remus’ bedroom he has faced with the loneliness and the fear once again and so decided to take up his post from yesterday in Buckbeak’s room once again. The day passed slowly and worry changed to anger that no one was doing anything to help Remus. He didn’t go down for meals and was only disturbed from his place of solitude when Harry came to get him at 11 o’clock telling him the Dumbledore had finally arrived for the emergency meeting. He got down into the kitchen to find everyone there, the children included due to the seriousness of the situation. 

“Nice of you to turn up Albus,” Sirius was angry, scared and he wanted to hurt someone. He wanted to know Remus was safe. “Hope Remus being missing isn’t an inconvenience to you.” Remus had been missing for over two days and yet this was the first time he had seen the headmaster, apparently Remus wasn’t important enough for him to be here before.  
“I have been trying Sirius, as we all have, to gather as much information as possible. Your anger is understandable.” Dumbledore replied calmly although it only made Sirius more angry.

“Remus’ mission was to join the group of werewolves who work in Knockturn Alley and transform with them to try to build their trust and get them to join our side. He was expected back by the evening two days ago, the day after the full moon but as you all know he didn’t return. St. Mungos have had no people come in matching Remus’ description and he has not been seen in Diagon Alley, Hogsmeade or any other wizarding places. We have been unable to contact the werewolves he was supposed to be with as their shop has been closed.” Dumbledore said as everyone around the table listened carefully. 

“If we know where he was supposed to have transformed then we should go and look for him,” Sirius started, trying his hardest to keep his voice level.

“We? You’re going nowhere Black” Moody interjected.

“Well I’m not just going to sit here and do nothing!” Sirius slammed his hands onto the table making Molly, who was sitting opposite him, flinch. Snape made a huff and flicked his hair from where he was sitting at the other end of the table. This angered Sirius even more as Snape was the one person who knew exactly how to annoy him. He stood up with such force that his chair went flying out behind him.

“Something to say Snivellus?” Sirius growled through gritted teeth. Snape opened his mouth to reply but was stopped by Dumbledore’s roar of “ENOUGH! None of this is helping Remus.”

Sirius was about to return to his seat when they heard the distinctive noise of the front door closing and someone upstairs moving around with great care. Sirius was up the stairs faster than anyone else although he didn’t doubt that most of the group would follow. He stopped at the sight of his lover, limping and covered in blood with his clothes torn and fresh welts showing underneath. 

“Moony,” Sirius whispered and rushed forwards, slowing down as he reached him to make sure he didn’t hurt him as he held him close.  
“Sorry I’m late Pads,” Remus said, his voice muffled by Sirius’ shoulder. Nothing felt better than to finally have his lover wrapped in his arms, to Sirius three days had seemed like a lifetime but Remus was back with him in time for Christmas and what an amazing one it would be even with the unwanted injuries.


	2. We Were Children, Neither Of Us Deserved This

Things weren’t as easy as they once had been. It started off on rocky grounds when Dumbledore had sent him off to ‘lie low at Lupin’s’. He had turned up on the back of Buckbeak, unwashed, clothes ripped, the life drained out of him. He remembered it clearly, walking down the neatly kept garden path towards the neat old cottage that Remus kept, miles away from anyone, right on the cliff edge. The day reflected the general atmosphere, overcast and dark, the wind blowing up a storm around him. No one would ever believe that it was July. And there Remus stood with wind ruffled hair and more scars and wrinkles than Sirius ever wanted to see and a look on his face that he didn’t understand, that he didn’t want to understand, one that he was sure was on his own face as well. They said nothing as they got closer, nothing as they stood in front of each other and nothing as Sirius followed Remus inside and Buckbeak kept guard in the porch. 

In the kitchen Remus went about making a cup of tea for the pair of them and for a moment Sirius allowed himself to think of the times before this all when Remus would do the same in an equally small kitchen in their London flat, wearing nothing but his boxers. In those times he would approach Remus and snake his hands around his waist, dropping a kiss to his bare shoulder and watch the mast at work, the two of them forgetting about the war, just them and their tea and the domesticity. For a moment he let himself smile at the memory, but now 16 years later all he could do was sit at the old wooden table, count the dents and guess how they got there. A cup of tea was placed in front of him and the seat next to him was filled. The flight had been cold, a storm clearly on the horizon and the warmth of the tea and the cottage were working wonders. They heavy silence continued, the atmosphere wasn’t awkward or uncomfortable but one of two good friends gone badly badly wrong and neither of them knew where to start. And then the tea was drunk and neither of them had a reason to be sitting at this table, in this cottage, on this cliff. 

Remus stood and walked into the sitting room and up the stairs, coming back down again with a towel and a change of clothes in his arms.   
“Up the stairs and the bathroom is the second door on the right, the hot water doesn’t last long so you’ll have to be quick.” He put the items down on the table in front of Sirius and collected their mugs before moving towards the sink and rinsing them out. Sirius stood and moved to the doorway, standing there for a moment and watching Remus in his large jumper with his head bowed, hoping against hope that he would turn around with an easy smile on his face, smaller bags under his eyes and less grey in his hair. But he didn’t so Sirius made his way upstairs. 

They continued like this for a few days, neither saying much as there wasn’t much to say, each one stealing glances at each other in a much different way to how they had done in fourth year. Then, the looks had been full of hope and love and the future, now they were full of regret and sadness and the past. Each night Sirius would lie on the lumpy sofa under the warm blanket he had been given and stare at his surroundings, the old books and the potted plants and the rings on the coffee table, exactly how Sirius had imagined it would be. The more he looked the more he saw a place for himself, places on the walls where his posters could hang, a gap on the sideboard where his record player could sit and his Pink Floyd vinyls could mix with Remus’ Sinatra. Each night Sirius would lie there and hope that Remus would walk down the stairs and invite him up into bed. 

Heavy silence sat between them at every opportunity. They dodged each other, trying to delay the inevitable, but the longer they sat there, a cup of tea in one hand, a book (or motorbike magazine in Sirius’ case, apparently Remus had taken a few steps to trying to make him feel more relaxed) in the other, the more obvious it came that there was a storm approaching inside the cottage as well as outside. And they hit at the same time.

A lot of things suddenly happened all at once. A crack of thunder made Sirius flinch as another loud noise followed and a gust of cold wind which chilled Sirius to the bone despite the warm jumper and blanket his was buried beneath. Remus shot up from his armchair and ran through to the kitchen where the back door had flung open and was now banging against the fridge. Sirius stood up to help but his vision went as the entire cottage was plunged into darkness and soft carpet disappeared from underneath him and he was once again lying on the freezing floor of Azkaban prison listening to the screams of others and himself get louder and louder until he couldn’t hear the rain at all, only the pleading inside his head.

“Please let me out! Please! You have to make it stop! PLEASE!”

“PADFOOT” the one voice that meant everything to him surrounded him, the name he hadn’t heard in years. He felt a soft yet tight grip on his wrists and allowed them to be dragged away from his face. He looked up and saw those soft brown eyes full of concern and he was nowhere, not on the floor of Azkaban but also not laying on the worn carpet of the cottage that should have been theirs, he was nowhere and that was ok as long as the eyes boring into his never closed. Remus helped him sit back on the sofa, lit candles to counteract the power cut and fetched more blankets in an attempt to stop him shaking. Then he sat on the sofa beside him, leaning back into the cushions as Sirius hunched forwards with his elbows on his knees. The mood had changed, Sirius felt embarrassed and ashamed while Remus just sat there saying nothing and doing nothing. 

“I was there Remus, I was back there. All this time and all it takes is a storm and I’m living it all again.”   
The space between them, although only a few inches, felt like miles which Sirius had to cross.  
“I thought of you everyday. You and James and Lily and Harry. I let you down Remus and it killed me more and more everyday that went by”

“I thought of you too,” Remus’ voice was hoarse and he sounded scared of what he was saying. “I thought of them and how i let them down by not stopping you. Everyday I hated myself for loving a monster.” That last sentence sat in the air for what felt like hours. Then without any warning they were screaming, both of them letting the last 14 years worth of feelings out in a screaming match that should have happened in the Shack.

“HOW COULD YOU THINK THAT I COULD DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT? TO BETRAY JAMES, TO BETRAY YOU?”

“YOU THOUGHT I WAS THE SPY TOO! IT TAKES TWO PEOPLE TO MAKE A RELATIONSHIP WORK SIRIUS BUT YOU GAVE UP, YOU MOVED OUT AND YOU STOPPED SPEAKING TO ME. YOU MADE ME HATE MYSELF FOR EVERYTHING THAT YOU DID. YOU BROKE US LONG BEFORE JAMES AND LILY DIED,THINKING THAT YOU KILLED THEM RATHER THAN ME WAS THE ONLY THING THAT KEPT ME ALIVE”

“KEPT YOU ALIVE? I WAS IN AZKABAN REMUS, THE DEMENTORS TOOK EVERYTHING FROM ME AND LEFT ME TO PAY FOR WHAT THAT SCUMBAG DID!

“I WAS SO ALONE!” they were standing now, opposite ends of the room with anger running in waves between them. “I WENT TO THE FUNERAL THINKING THAT MY THREE BESTFRIENDS WERE DEAD BECAUSE OF THE MAN THAT I LOVED. I SPOKE TO DUMBLEDORE AND I BEGGED WITH HIM TO LET ME TAKE HARRY AND LOOK AFTER HIM AND I WATCHED HIM TURN ME DOWN. THEN 12 YEARS LATER I WOKE UP IN OUR COMPARTMENT ON THE TRAIN TO FIND HIM STARING AT ME NOT KNOWING WHO I WAS. AND NOW YOU GET TO BE THE AMAZING UNCLE PADFOOT THAT YOU ALWAYS WANTED TO BE AND I’LL NEVER BE ANYTHING OTHER THAN PROFESSOR LUPIN!” 

Sirius stopped at this, his reply dying on his lips as he saw the tears streaming silently down Remus’ face, the tracks flickering candle light. Suddenly nothing Sirius had to say mattered anymore, he thought that he had had it worse in Azkaban but watching the man he loved screaming and crying in the dim light made him feel worse than a hundred dementors ever could. He rushed across the room, his arms going around Remus’ waist and holding him as arms wrapped around his neck, the both of them holding on like they would break and crumble away if they didn’t. 

“I’m sorry Moony,” he whispered into Remus’ shoulder.

“We were children Padfoot, neither of us deserved this.”

They progressed from there, both talking more and laughing, neither afraid to remember the good times anymore. From there they fell in love again, although they had never really stopped loving each other. One morning Sirius came down from his shower to find Remus in the kitchen making tea in one of his comfy jumpers. Sirius wrapped his arms around his waist and kissed the part of his neck just above the jumper and Remus simply turned in his arms and smiled, kissing him lightly on the lips before handing him his tea, their first kiss in 16 years and yet it still made Sirius feel warm in his chest. One night Sirius was looking around the living room, noticing how it had changed since he’d been here, Remus came down the stairs and invited him up to bed, the two of them falling asleep holding hands yet waking up in each other's arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really proud of this, hope you liked it too!


End file.
